Going home on the train the other day, tired, trying to read a book, trying to ignore the riffraff, I was interrupted by a spectacle too loud and too weird to ignore.
SCENE: Train from Elsinore to Copenhagen
PERSONAE: MALE, youngish; FEMALE, older; TRAIN PASSENGERS, motley crew
ACT 1:
A person of the MALE persuasion staggers past, heading for the toilet at the end of the car. Finding that the door is locked, and the facility no doubt is in use, he swears loudly and starts banging on the door.
MALE: Open the door, Goddammit. I need to take a crap.
FEMALE (from behind door): mumble mumble (unintelligible over the noise of the train)
MALE: For Christ’s sake, get out of there. I am going to dirty my pants.
It should be noted at this point that while FEMALE’s comments are not discernible, MALE does speak extremely loud. His speech is slurred, and has that slightly medicated touch that a junkie’s voice often has. On close inspection, he does indeed look like what your general prejudices about what junkies look like probably are (sneakers, tight jeans, hooded sweat, straggly hair, and so forth. Oh, yes: tattoos and an earring.)
MALE (still banging on door): Oh God, come out now. It is going to happen. I need to shit, woman.
FEMALE: mumble mumble
ACT 2:
At this point MALE abruptly turns around and asks a passenger passing by for change for a 100 kroners bill. Getting it, he purchases a cup of coffee from the nearby vending machine, and walks back to his seat.
FEMALE finally comes out of the bathroom and looks around for whomever made that racket. Not seeing anybody around, she eyes everybody suspiciously.
MALE sips his coffee and gets off at the next station. He does not make further attempts to use the bathroom.
ACT 3:
I (being amongst the TRAIN PASSENGERS) close my book and gets off, too.
What the heck was all that about